why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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