hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
