So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
