The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
