i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
