he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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