Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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