Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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