just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
