I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
