her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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