fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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