Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
