My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
