I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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