I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
where am i from again
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
