Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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