a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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