so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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