I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
