just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
