Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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