hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
