if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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