Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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