shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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