I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
