4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
