i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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