Whod you bang
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
