I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
