it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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