I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you will always have a special place in my vag
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
