So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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