My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
