But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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