I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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