he wants to bone in the snuggie
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
