If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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