We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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