dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
