God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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