If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Farmville is her only friend.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
