UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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