Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize