I love black thongs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
