Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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