fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
