walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
