...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
