dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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