I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
