I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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