as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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