If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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