I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
