did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
