3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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