I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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